This day is one of the best days of my life. It is Kandi's birthday. It is hard to believe that 26 years ago I gave birth to my last child. Time goes by much too quickly. After Krystle was born I always felt like we had one more coming. When I found out I was pregnant with Kandi I was thrilled. We had two great kids and another one was on the way. That excitement sadly was turned to sheer terror when I was 8 weeks along. I started to bleed and pass clots. I had already had 4 miscarriages and was so scared that I would have another one. I was already taking the synthetic hormone progesteron to help prevent misscarriage. I went to the Dr. and he put me on bed rest. After almost 6 weeks on bed rest I stopped bleeding. I was so excited. I was also really really fat. Because of the hormones and bedrest I gained so much weight. There was a 13 pound gain in one week alone. I gained a total of 92 pounds the entire pregnancy. The pregnancy went really well after that. I was able to get up and care for Brady and Krystle, and be a better wife too. The house got cleaned, laundry was done, meals were prepared. I felt great.
About 25 weeks into the pregnancy I started to get paranoid. I don't know why pregnancy makes you crazy but it really took ahold of my brain. The synthetic hormones I had to take to help the pregnancy were also known to cause birth defects. They would cause limb defects. Kids were born without arms and legs, or they were so severly deformed that their limbs were useless. Lots of times when you have a miscarriage you are told that it must have been a defect or something that caused it, and that it was nature's way of taking care of a serious problem. I started to worry that maybe my baby was one of the ones that was going to be deformed. I thought that because I had bled so hard and long, and that I had passed clots of tissue that my baby should have been miscarried, but the hormones I had taken were preventing that. I started to worry that my baby would be born without arms, legs, severly disfigured or mentally disabled. I was sure that my baby would be born a monster. I don't know why but in my crazy pregnant mind I rationalized that a boy with disabilities would not be as bad as a girl with disabilities. So I figured that this baby must be a boy. (Back in the "olden" days they didn't do ultrasounds to tell you the sex) For the rest of the pregnancy I just knew that I was carrying a boy with disabilities.
As the end of July approached I became more nervous. I wondered how we could care for a disabled child along with our other two. I was terrified of the quality of life it would have. My fears were not very rational. I never spoke to anyone about my fears, I don't know why. I was afraid. Pretty soon it was time to start thinking about Krystle's 2nd birthday. She was born on the 11 of August. The doctor was telling me that the baby was getting really close to being born. I didn't want it to have the same birthday as Krystle. I had heard somewhere that castor oil could help you go into labor if you are ready. Well I started to take it. I wanted Krystle and this baby to have different birthdays. Guess what? It worked for me. I drank some of it and about 4 hours later I was having contractions pretty strong. We took the kids to Grandma Yamashita"s house. It was midnight.
We went to the hospital and prepared for our little boy to be born. I had this baby "natural" meaning no pain medication. I worried that it would cross the placenta and make the baby too sleepy to breathe like it did Brady. After about 10 hours of "natural" labor it was time to push. I pushed for about 15 or 20 minutes and the baby was born. When I heard the doctor say "its a girl" My heart sank. I had geared myself up for the disabled boy. I didn't know if I could handle a disabled girl. I know it sound pretty stupid but like I said earlier pregnancy makes you think crazy. I was so afraid to look at her. I asked Steve what she looked like. He said "she looks like Krystle". I couldn't hardly believe him. I know I must have asked him several more times and he said the same thing everytime. I finally got brave enought to look at her. IAt that moment she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I felt pure joy in my heart. She was perfect. She had all her arms, legs, fingers and toes. Her face was beautiful. I couldn't believe how blessed we were. We decided to name her Kandace Joy. I wanted to name her Joy because that was the feeling I had whenever I looked at her. She weighed 8 lbs 5 oz. amd was 19 inches long. She had lots of black hair, a little round face and little almond shaped eyes.
I am so grateful that she came to our family and that she was so perfect, healthy and beautiful. She had a way about her, even as a tiny baby. When she was just 3 days old I had to take her to have her bilirubin tested everyday for almost a week. The nurses would take her back to draw her blood. What should have been a quick 10 minute appointment usually lasted at least 30 minutes. I would have to ask if they were done with Kandi and that I needed her back. THey would take her back, draw her blood and then play with her. They would pass her around and hold her. Everyone loved her. She was the happiest baby. She grew to be a happy child and made others happy too.
I have watched her grow up way too fast. She has become an amazing woman. SHe is so wise, caring, thoughtful, loving. I can't imagine my life without her in it. I have learned so much from her. She teaches me something new everyday. I am so glad that Heavenly Father sent her to our family.
Kandi I want you to know how proud I am of you. You are a much better woman than I could ever hope to be. You are a wonderful mother to baby Zoey. She is a lucky girl to have you raising her. You have so much patience. love and wisdom to pass on. I don't know where you learned it, I know it wasn't from me. I have the love but I am lacking in the other areas. I want you to know how much fun I have had being your mother. It is truly an honor and privilege to be your mom.
About 25 weeks into the pregnancy I started to get paranoid. I don't know why pregnancy makes you crazy but it really took ahold of my brain. The synthetic hormones I had to take to help the pregnancy were also known to cause birth defects. They would cause limb defects. Kids were born without arms and legs, or they were so severly deformed that their limbs were useless. Lots of times when you have a miscarriage you are told that it must have been a defect or something that caused it, and that it was nature's way of taking care of a serious problem. I started to worry that maybe my baby was one of the ones that was going to be deformed. I thought that because I had bled so hard and long, and that I had passed clots of tissue that my baby should have been miscarried, but the hormones I had taken were preventing that. I started to worry that my baby would be born without arms, legs, severly disfigured or mentally disabled. I was sure that my baby would be born a monster. I don't know why but in my crazy pregnant mind I rationalized that a boy with disabilities would not be as bad as a girl with disabilities. So I figured that this baby must be a boy. (Back in the "olden" days they didn't do ultrasounds to tell you the sex) For the rest of the pregnancy I just knew that I was carrying a boy with disabilities.
As the end of July approached I became more nervous. I wondered how we could care for a disabled child along with our other two. I was terrified of the quality of life it would have. My fears were not very rational. I never spoke to anyone about my fears, I don't know why. I was afraid. Pretty soon it was time to start thinking about Krystle's 2nd birthday. She was born on the 11 of August. The doctor was telling me that the baby was getting really close to being born. I didn't want it to have the same birthday as Krystle. I had heard somewhere that castor oil could help you go into labor if you are ready. Well I started to take it. I wanted Krystle and this baby to have different birthdays. Guess what? It worked for me. I drank some of it and about 4 hours later I was having contractions pretty strong. We took the kids to Grandma Yamashita"s house. It was midnight.
We went to the hospital and prepared for our little boy to be born. I had this baby "natural" meaning no pain medication. I worried that it would cross the placenta and make the baby too sleepy to breathe like it did Brady. After about 10 hours of "natural" labor it was time to push. I pushed for about 15 or 20 minutes and the baby was born. When I heard the doctor say "its a girl" My heart sank. I had geared myself up for the disabled boy. I didn't know if I could handle a disabled girl. I know it sound pretty stupid but like I said earlier pregnancy makes you think crazy. I was so afraid to look at her. I asked Steve what she looked like. He said "she looks like Krystle". I couldn't hardly believe him. I know I must have asked him several more times and he said the same thing everytime. I finally got brave enought to look at her. IAt that moment she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I felt pure joy in my heart. She was perfect. She had all her arms, legs, fingers and toes. Her face was beautiful. I couldn't believe how blessed we were. We decided to name her Kandace Joy. I wanted to name her Joy because that was the feeling I had whenever I looked at her. She weighed 8 lbs 5 oz. amd was 19 inches long. She had lots of black hair, a little round face and little almond shaped eyes.
I am so grateful that she came to our family and that she was so perfect, healthy and beautiful. She had a way about her, even as a tiny baby. When she was just 3 days old I had to take her to have her bilirubin tested everyday for almost a week. The nurses would take her back to draw her blood. What should have been a quick 10 minute appointment usually lasted at least 30 minutes. I would have to ask if they were done with Kandi and that I needed her back. THey would take her back, draw her blood and then play with her. They would pass her around and hold her. Everyone loved her. She was the happiest baby. She grew to be a happy child and made others happy too.
I have watched her grow up way too fast. She has become an amazing woman. SHe is so wise, caring, thoughtful, loving. I can't imagine my life without her in it. I have learned so much from her. She teaches me something new everyday. I am so glad that Heavenly Father sent her to our family.
Kandi I want you to know how proud I am of you. You are a much better woman than I could ever hope to be. You are a wonderful mother to baby Zoey. She is a lucky girl to have you raising her. You have so much patience. love and wisdom to pass on. I don't know where you learned it, I know it wasn't from me. I have the love but I am lacking in the other areas. I want you to know how much fun I have had being your mother. It is truly an honor and privilege to be your mom.
thanks for the post. it brought tears to my eyes, especially being a mom now. i love you!
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