Mean people SUCK!!!

I hate that some people are mean spirited. It seems as if some people can't wait to cause pain or suffering for others. My moms daughter Paulette ( I can't even claim her as a sister any longer) is one of these people. As long as I can remember the world always has and always will revolve around her. She doesn't seem to care about what others are feeling, only what she wants. She has done many hurtful things over the years, so much so that My brother Gene or I have not spoken to her for over ten years. (My other sister RuthAnn and brother Allan have spoken with her but not all that often. )I just found out that she did another mean thing today and it was a doozy.

My brother Gene has cancer. The chemotherapy has taken its toll on him physically, but not spiritually or mentally. He told me he may look and feel like crap but his resolve is strong. He is starting his 3rd week of treatment. The first week was pretty brutal. His treatments made him really tired. He said he went to bed on Friday and didn't get up for five days. He had a better week this past week and even felt good enough to go to church. This weekend was pretty good. I talked to him and he sounded great, tired but great.

He didn't want to worry our mom because she gets uncontrollable anxiety over even the smallest things. Because of this he opted not to tell her right now. He planned on telling her later on when the treatment worked and the cancer was in remission. He said if she knew she would worry too much and that would make him worry too much about her. He truly needs to concentrate on getting better not worrying about other things.

Things were working according to his plan until today. My mothers daughter Paulette heard through someone she supposedly went to school with that my brother was sick. She immediately called our mom and told her that Gene has sick and probably wasn't going to make it. Of course mom was upset. Who wouldn't be if someone told them thiat about one of their kids? Why didn't Paulette call one of her siblings and ask them instead of mom? I feel as if she takes delight in upsetting mom. I have seen her do it time and time again over the years. I am so sick of her and all the mean things she does. I wish she would one time think of others instead of always just doing what she wants and to heck with others.

Now Gene is worried that mom will be so upset. He is going to call her and try to aleviate her fears, but its too bad he has to do this in the first place. I pray that he will still concentrate on himself and healing. He is doing pretty good and needs to keep this up. Please keep him in your prayers also. I know he can beat this.

Wow has it really been that long???

I was reading through some of Kandis posts and thought about this blog. I was going to be so good about writing in it. Well one day turned into a week then a month and now months! I haven't been so good about writing. I guess there has been so much negative things swirling around in my head that I don't really want to dwell on, and I didn't want to bring anyone down. Well I've come to the conclusion that I can try not to dwell on it and say nothing or I can try REALLY, REALLY hard to write something positive. So here goes.

Some random happy thoughts in no particular order.

#1- I was so happy to see the sunshine today. It has been a long time. I'm hoping that it will stay around for a bit. I am ready to get out into the yard and do some work. I have big plans out there.

#2- Today is stake conference and I know it sounds horrible but I didn't have to prepare a lesson. It was so much less stressful. I usually struggle with that. The kids in my class are from 15-19 years old and they know so much about the gospel that they should be teaching me. They are amazing kids, and it makes me think that there is hope for the world afterall.

#3- I LOVE my family. I don't know what I would do without them. Everyone is so important to me. I can not imagine my l life without any of them in it. I am so proud of my three kids and my son and daughter in laws. They are wonderful people. They are hard working, honest, intelligent, and comapssionate just to name a few. Also the grandkids. They are a bright spot in my day. I love to tend them and watch them grow and develop. They are so cute and it's fun to see the things they do and say. My family also gives me hope for the future.

#4- I am thankful for my husband. We have been married for 36 years now. I really doesn't seem like it should be that long. We have had many things happen on our journey through marriage. Some of them have caused hurt, some have strengthened, some were just funny. I'm glad that we have had all of these experiences, they have made us into the people we are today. (whether that is good or bad is up for debate. HA HA) Thanks honey for putting up with me for this long. I love you!

#5- I am grateful for the gospel and my testimony. I would hate to think of going through this test (life) without the knowledge that our Heavenly Father loves us and knows us. I have felt his comforting hand in my life many times. I am grateful for the atonement. I'm grateful the we have the chance to repent of our sins and prove ourselves worthy. What a wonderful thing to know that we can make ourselves clean before God. What a humbling thing to know that Jesus loved us enough to suffer for us. I pray that I can be worthy of that sacrifice.

#6- Life in general. What a precious gift our Heavenly Father has given us. It is sometimes hard and complicated. Sometimes we feel that we can't cope, but with trust in Heavenly Father life can be grand.

#7- Friends! Heavenly Father couldn't be everywhere all the time so he gave us friends. They help us, cry with us, uplift us, love us and laugh with us. They sometimes make life just bearable. What would we do without friends? Thanks to all the friends in not only my life but also in my kids' lives.

I think I have pressed my brain to overload right now. I wanted to post some pictures but I can't remember how. I will have to get Kandi to show me again. I know it is really easy, but Ican't remember. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow. I hope I remember :-)

AAAGH!!!!!!!

Ok so I am going to be negative. I have had it with the kids I deal with. I am so tired of babysitting kids that are almost adult aged. They are 15 to 17 years old, but they throw tantrums, pout cry and act like preschoolers. I wish they would just take responsibility for their actions and realize they are where they are because of their choices.

I have become pretty jaded in my thinking about special ed. When I first started this job I thought it was great and that I was helping all these kids that had disabilities. Boy have things changed. I feel as though a good portion of the kids I have seen are behavior disabled because they have not had discipline in their lives. They are smart capable kids, but don't want to work for anything. They will spend more time trying to get out of doing assignments than they would if they just did the assignment. I wish they would put forth a tiny bit of effort to better themselves. It makes me worried for their future.

Happy Birthday Krystle

Today is one of the best and favorite days of my life. It is the day that I gave birth to my first baby girl. Birthday season is in full swing at our house. Krystle turns 28 today August 11. It doesn't seem possible that she could be that age already. I remember being pregnant with her, and wondering if she was going to be a boy or a girl. We already had Brady so I think that we secretly wanted a girl but we always said what ever it was would be great.

I didn't get as big with her as I had with Brady, so I wasn't quite as miserable. I actually loved being pregnant with all three of my kids. I was due to deliver her on August 17. I had started my weekly appointments and for 3 weeks I was dialated to a 3 and 50% thinned out. The Dr. thought that the baby should have come by then but she hadn't. He was planning on going out of town for 2 weeks starting August12. He thought that it would be a good idea if he induced labor so that he could deliver the baby before he left. He thought that the baby was big and healthy enough to come now. He scheduled me to go to the hospital the next day.


I went home and told Steve that we were going to have the baby the next day and we started to prepare for the birth of our second child. We got Brady's things ready, and my bag packed for the hospital. By the time we got to bed it was quite late. That didn't seem to matter though because I could not go to sleep. I was so nervous, and excited that I felt like a little kid at christmas. I was nervous because I had never been induced before and didn't know quite what to expect and excited because I wanted to meet the baby. We had to be to the hospital by 7:00 the next morning and I remember looking at the clock at 4:00 in the morning. I think I went to sleep right after that. It seemed like I had just got to sleep when the alarm went off and we had to get up and get going.

We took Brady to Grandma Yamashita's house and headed to the hospital. We got there at 7 and they processed us into the labor room. They put IV's in my arm and had me put on the cute hospital gown. I had decided not to have any pain medication because it had almost killed Brady when he was born. So I settled in for what I thought was going to be a long day of pain. The nurse came in at about 7:30 and put the pit in my IV. She must have really cranked it up beacuse immediately I started to have contractions. The contractions were LOOOOONG and hard. In fact they didn't stop. THey were one great big long contraction for 3 hours. I had expected the baby to be born about 10-12 hours after we got to the hospital but she was born 3 hours after they started the pit. It was not much fun. To make matters worse they told me that I couldn't eat anything after 10 the night before. I had an empty stomach and it made me so sick. This was the only time I was sick the whole pregnancy. As I was pushing her out I was also throwing up. I would have felt much better if I had been allowed to eat.

I was in the delivery room pushing and dry heaving for what seemed like forever, but was in reality only about 30 minutes. Finally her little head came out. The nurses and doctors said that there was lots of black hair. A minute later the rest of her came out. The doctor said its a girl. I was so happy. I waited for her to cry. She did'nt. She was so quiet. After Brady almost dying I was starting to freak out because it was quiet. I kept asking the doctor to make her cry. He kept telling me that she was OK, but I didn't believe him and insisted that he make her cry. Finally the doctor said "give that baby to her mother so the mother will be quiet". When they handed her to me she was beautiful . She was just looking around the room at everything. She was making the cutest kissey face with her lips. There is a picture of her and Brady that I posted and she is making the same kissey lips in that picture. I don't think I heard her cry until the next day. She was just happy to be there and didn't put up a fuss. She was born around 10:40 a.m. and weighed 7lbs 8oz. She was 18 inches long. She was so tiny but perfect in every way.

When I was pregnant with Brady we had gone to our friends baby blessing and another baby there was being named Crystal. Steve really liked that name and said when we have a girl we need to name her Crystal. Well we had our girl and we named her Christel, but I decided I didn't like the way it was spelled so we changed it when she was 2 months old. Her name was now Krystle Mechelle. This means brilliantly pure like unto God.

We were so blessed to have such a healthy happy baby. It was amazing to me that she was finally here. She was such an independent little soul. She always wanted to be down running around. She started to walk when she was 6 months old. She had a full set of teeth by the time she was 8 months old. By the time she was 9 months old she was RUNNING everywhere she went.

She is one of the kindest most loving, trusting people that I know. She will do anything for anyone. She is a wonderful mom, and aunt. She treats her neices and nephew so good and loves them like they were her own kids. She has been through some very hard and painful things in her life. I have watched her handle her grief and pain with dignity. I have learned so much from her and she teaches me new things daily. I am proud to be her mother.

Krystle I just want you to know how much I love you. You are an inspiration to me all the time. You are an amazing woman. You have such compassion and love for your fellow beings. I love your personality and the things you say and do make me laugh. I have had a blast being your mother. I know that I haven't been the best mother but I think you turned out alright in spite of that. It has been a privilege and honor to be your mother. My birthday wish for you is for you to see yourself the way that I see you. I want you to find true happiness.

Happy Birthday Kandi

This day is one of the best days of my life. It is Kandi's birthday. It is hard to believe that 26 years ago I gave birth to my last child. Time goes by much too quickly. After Krystle was born I always felt like we had one more coming. When I found out I was pregnant with Kandi I was thrilled. We had two great kids and another one was on the way. That excitement sadly was turned to sheer terror when I was 8 weeks along. I started to bleed and pass clots. I had already had 4 miscarriages and was so scared that I would have another one. I was already taking the synthetic hormone progesteron to help prevent misscarriage. I went to the Dr. and he put me on bed rest. After almost 6 weeks on bed rest I stopped bleeding. I was so excited. I was also really really fat. Because of the hormones and bedrest I gained so much weight. There was a 13 pound gain in one week alone. I gained a total of 92 pounds the entire pregnancy. The pregnancy went really well after that. I was able to get up and care for Brady and Krystle, and be a better wife too. The house got cleaned, laundry was done, meals were prepared. I felt great.





About 25 weeks into the pregnancy I started to get paranoid. I don't know why pregnancy makes you crazy but it really took ahold of my brain. The synthetic hormones I had to take to help the pregnancy were also known to cause birth defects. They would cause limb defects. Kids were born without arms and legs, or they were so severly deformed that their limbs were useless. Lots of times when you have a miscarriage you are told that it must have been a defect or something that caused it, and that it was nature's way of taking care of a serious problem. I started to worry that maybe my baby was one of the ones that was going to be deformed. I thought that because I had bled so hard and long, and that I had passed clots of tissue that my baby should have been miscarried, but the hormones I had taken were preventing that. I started to worry that my baby would be born without arms, legs, severly disfigured or mentally disabled. I was sure that my baby would be born a monster. I don't know why but in my crazy pregnant mind I rationalized that a boy with disabilities would not be as bad as a girl with disabilities. So I figured that this baby must be a boy. (Back in the "olden" days they didn't do ultrasounds to tell you the sex) For the rest of the pregnancy I just knew that I was carrying a boy with disabilities.





As the end of July approached I became more nervous. I wondered how we could care for a disabled child along with our other two. I was terrified of the quality of life it would have. My fears were not very rational. I never spoke to anyone about my fears, I don't know why. I was afraid. Pretty soon it was time to start thinking about Krystle's 2nd birthday. She was born on the 11 of August. The doctor was telling me that the baby was getting really close to being born. I didn't want it to have the same birthday as Krystle. I had heard somewhere that castor oil could help you go into labor if you are ready. Well I started to take it. I wanted Krystle and this baby to have different birthdays. Guess what? It worked for me. I drank some of it and about 4 hours later I was having contractions pretty strong. We took the kids to Grandma Yamashita"s house. It was midnight.





We went to the hospital and prepared for our little boy to be born. I had this baby "natural" meaning no pain medication. I worried that it would cross the placenta and make the baby too sleepy to breathe like it did Brady. After about 10 hours of "natural" labor it was time to push. I pushed for about 15 or 20 minutes and the baby was born. When I heard the doctor say "its a girl" My heart sank. I had geared myself up for the disabled boy. I didn't know if I could handle a disabled girl. I know it sound pretty stupid but like I said earlier pregnancy makes you think crazy. I was so afraid to look at her. I asked Steve what she looked like. He said "she looks like Krystle". I couldn't hardly believe him. I know I must have asked him several more times and he said the same thing everytime. I finally got brave enought to look at her. IAt that moment she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I felt pure joy in my heart. She was perfect. She had all her arms, legs, fingers and toes. Her face was beautiful. I couldn't believe how blessed we were. We decided to name her Kandace Joy. I wanted to name her Joy because that was the feeling I had whenever I looked at her. She weighed 8 lbs 5 oz. amd was 19 inches long. She had lots of black hair, a little round face and little almond shaped eyes.





I am so grateful that she came to our family and that she was so perfect, healthy and beautiful. She had a way about her, even as a tiny baby. When she was just 3 days old I had to take her to have her bilirubin tested everyday for almost a week. The nurses would take her back to draw her blood. What should have been a quick 10 minute appointment usually lasted at least 30 minutes. I would have to ask if they were done with Kandi and that I needed her back. THey would take her back, draw her blood and then play with her. They would pass her around and hold her. Everyone loved her. She was the happiest baby. She grew to be a happy child and made others happy too.





I have watched her grow up way too fast. She has become an amazing woman. SHe is so wise, caring, thoughtful, loving. I can't imagine my life without her in it. I have learned so much from her. She teaches me something new everyday. I am so glad that Heavenly Father sent her to our family.





Kandi I want you to know how proud I am of you. You are a much better woman than I could ever hope to be. You are a wonderful mother to baby Zoey. She is a lucky girl to have you raising her. You have so much patience. love and wisdom to pass on. I don't know where you learned it, I know it wasn't from me. I have the love but I am lacking in the other areas. I want you to know how much fun I have had being your mother. It is truly an honor and privilege to be your mom.